


Five Times Jake Makes Terrible Choices, and One Time Amy Does

by Crowsfan



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst, F/M, Fluff, sort of a future fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-05
Updated: 2014-04-10
Packaged: 2018-01-18 06:20:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1418200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crowsfan/pseuds/Crowsfan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jake never expected his terrible, terrible ideas to work out for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Jake buys the Car

**Author's Note:**

> So I had a lot of free time on my hands (ha) after I accidentally cut the top of my finger off. Damn B99 for making me want to write fic, this was really painful to type, what with missing a bit of my finger.

Jake never intended to disclose the full details of how he wound up buying the crap mobile, as Amy affectionately likes to call it. Buying the crap mobile wasn’t initially a celebratory action, more like one of self-preservation, one story he’d desperately hoped to take with him to the grave.

Simply put, there was no way he was going to make it another block with a cuffed perp in his custody whilst wearing a girl’s thong. It was one thing to admit to buying the crap mobile on a stupid whim to celebrate his first arrest. It was another thing entirely to tell a girl he was in love with that he had in the past worn the underwear of a woman whose last name he didn’t remember to get her back into his bed.

Sadly for Jake, he discovers that withholding the complete truth may have been a worse decision than agreeing to wear the underwear in the first place. The chafing was definitely not sexy, even if he really did rock the red lace. But that was nothing compared to the sinking feeling in his gut when he and Amy run into the owner of the thong years later whilst out on their second date.

Jake’s a seasoned undercover operative, so he resists the urge to dive over the bar and hide until either his current date or the past one vacates the premises. Instead he turns and tries his best to hide his face from the past one as Amy watches him, utterly perplexed.

He manages to avoid catching her eye at the bar, but unsurprisingly she and her date get seated at the table next to theirs twenty minutes later. She recognises Jake immediately

‘Oh my god, Jake Peralta. I hardly recognised you without the bleached tips.’ She gasps, smiling like a shark. A very smug shark who still looks insanely hot, Jake whimpers and reaches for his beer as Amy turns and sets eyes on her.

‘Carly, you haven’t changed a bit.’ Jake mutters as he drains his beer.

‘Not true, I’m a fan of black silk these days, red lace hasn’t done it for me in years. I wonder why.’ Carly replies, Jake desperately tries to avoid meeting Amy’s very confused gaze. He may not be able to recall Carly’s last name, but their very terrible breakup is all coming back to him, he is in so much trouble.

‘Carly, I know you hate my guts for a lot of really good reasons, but can you possibly find it in you to hate me quietly…’ Jake’s voice trails off as Carly glares at him like he’s rodent droppings.

‘Oh, you’d love that wouldn’t you? You’d love me to keep my mouth shut so you can trick this poor sweet girl into thinking that you’re not a total man whore.’

‘Oh no, I definitely know that he’s a man whore.’ Amy interjects, smirking at Jake. ‘I’ve heard all his stories.’

‘Thanks for the support.’ Jake mutters, Amy rolls her eyes.

‘Oh honey, I know for a fact that’s not true. There’s no way you’d be here if you knew the complete truth about Jakey and what he’s prepared to do to get laid.’ Carly retorts, ‘Girl, I only hope I got to you in time.’

When Carly reaches into her handbag and pulls out her phone, Jake is once again struck by the urge to dive for cover. Instead he watches in horror as Carly brings up a picture on her phone, she flashes it at Jake before handing the phone to Amy.

Jake watches as Amy’s eyes widen and her jaw drops, so Jake can’t help being flippant, ‘I know, the lighting was terrible and the angles were all wrong to capture my best side.’

‘I don’t know, she pretty much got the whole you in the frame from what I can see.’ Amy replies, staring at the photo, Jake can’t read her expression and that worries him greatly. He knows what Amy looks like when she’s pissed off, disgusted, horrified and scared. What could be worse than those he doesn’t know, but it can’t bode well for him.

At that moment the maître d arrives and tells them all that they’re creating a disturbance and he’s kicking them all out. Carly of course blames Jake, she spends the time it takes them all to settle their drinks tab and collect their coats abusing Jake at the top of her lungs. Jake manages to spare a thought for her poor date, who trails after her like a whipped little puppy. But mostly he pities himself, because there’s no way Amy’s going to want to date him after seeing that picture of him in a red lace thong.

Outside the restaurant Jake and Amy dive into the crap mobile and Amy urges him to floor it so they can escape Carly and her very loud and frank opinions on Jake’s junk.

Jake pulls the car to a stop outside Amy’s building. The drive from the restaurant had been unspeakably awkward, Amy had sat there with a hand covering her mouth as Jake tried to come up with something to say. He almost wishes Gina were there, she’d inevitably make the whole situation worse with her truth bombs, but at least the car wouldn’t be as silent as a grave

Amy gets out of the car, and Jake’s half expecting her to disappear into her building without sparing him a backwards glance. Instead she bends down and looks at him through the windows that won’t close. ‘Are you coming up?’

Jake thinks about it for a moment before he sighs in resignation and climbs out of the car, following Amy into the building and into the elevator. Amy leans against the wall next to the doors, it doesn’t escape Jake’s notice that her eyes keep drifting down his body. Just an hour ago it would have made Jake’s night to know that Amy couldn’t keep her eyes off him. He hopes this one of the times that Amy manages to find her words, because if he has to listen to her butcher this breakup in her awkwardly adorable way, he might just jump off the Brooklyn Bridge

Inside the apartment Jake shuffles after Amy as she hangs her coat up by the door and enters the kitchen. Amy pulls out half a bottle of white wine from the fridge, it’s just about the only thing in there from what Jake could see. He’s pulled from his thoughts when Amy presses the phone into his hands, he looks up at her for guidance.

‘Can you order a pizza or something? I’m still hungry.’

Jake nods and dials Sal’s Pizza on autopilot. Through his brilliant powers of deduction he’s beginning to suspect that maybe Amy didn’t invite him up to her place to dump him like yesterday’s news. Amy hands him a glass of wine and moves past him into the lounge, he drains the wine glass and follows her, flopping onto the opposite end of the couch.

‘I’m so sorry about that. I didn’t think she still hated me that much.’ Jake begins, breaking the silence. Amy sits back and sips at her wine.

‘I just got kicked out of my favourite steakhouse Jake. Keep talking.’

‘Yeah, so you remember the story of how I bought my car? Well I might have left a couple of things out.’ Jake meets Amy’s impassive stare, her couch feels more like the precinct’s interview room all of a sudden.

‘After my first day out of the Academy, Rosa and I went out for drinks to celebrate surviving our first day on the job. Only Rosa sucks at celebrating, so instead we cruised for dates. She managed to score one of the Mets, and I hooked up with Carly. And well, you know what they say about crazy people in the sack… too much information? Anyway, in the morning I asked Carly if she wanted to hook up again sometime. Carly says she’ll be my booty call any night of the week if I agree to wear her thong all day at work. Obviously I said yes, because I was young and really dumb. She took the pictures before I left for work, at the time I was thinking that it would be kinda fun, as long as no one at the precinct found out. But that lace was really itchy, especially after running eleven blocks. So yeah, the true story behind my car is that I bought it because my balls were on fire and I couldn’t walk any further.’ Jake says it all in a rush, when he’s done he looks down at his empty wine glass, wishing it was filled with something, preferably hard liquor.

‘And Carly hates you because?’ ‘Well that night I may have gone over to her place and called her crazy and then tried to give back her underwear…’ Jake mutters. Amy giggles and Jake’s head darts up, she’s got a hand pressed over her mouth again.

‘I’ve been spending way too much time with you, there’s no way I should be finding any of this funny.’ Amy mutters from behind her hand. ‘Tonight’s definitely going down on the bad date list.’

‘But you still think this is funny.’ Jake announces, equal parts amazed and happy. He shuffles into the middle of the couch, Amy reciprocates by moving the rest of the way, climbing onto his lap. Jake loses track of his train of thought as her dress rides up her thighs, his hands following her hemline as hers grip at his shoulders. ‘I have to say I’m impressed, Santiago. Didn’t think you had it in you to willingly date a cross dressing cop.’

‘Oh, no. I can’t ever risk Javier and Mama ever seeing that photo. In the morning we’re going to destroy that photograph. For your own safety we can’t allow that photo to continue to exist.’ Amy tells him as he leans forward to kiss at her jaw.

‘But you still want to date me?’

‘I knew what you were before I said yes, Jake. Anyway, who hasn’t done dumb things as a kid?’ Amy gasps as he finds the spot below her ear that makes her heart jump in her chest. Jake’s eyes widen.

‘Does this mean you really have a sex tape? Is that what you’re trying to tell me?’

‘For the thousandth time, I have no sex tape.’

They never end up getting round to the pizza, Amy’s place actually gets blacklisted by Sal’s because they fail to answer the bell when the delivery boy arrives. Months later when Jake asks her to get a place together with him, he adds this to the list of reasons she should say yes.


	2. Jake's Undercover Girlfriend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is where the angst starts. And to avoid confusion, this is not in chronological order.

Jake’s undercover stint with the Ianucci Crime family may have done wonders for his career and secured his place at the NYPD for life, but he can never look back at those six months and not think about what an idiot he was. After leaving the Precinct and coming clean about his feelings to Amy, he had expected to be far too busy to have time to stop and think about what he’d just done to his relationship with his partner.

Instead he found that being on the bottom rung of a crime family meant that he actually had lots of time to think. And think he did, he thought about how Amy might be taking his confession as he stood watch over a warehouse full of stolen microwaves. He wondered if it had affected her relationship with Teddy whilst he waited with three other thugs for a rat in the organisation to show his face at the local bar.

Jake eventually concluded that there was no way Amy could possibly reciprocate his feelings whilst he played getaway driver for the Ianucci’s enforcer. It didn’t help that when he’d snuck down to his old bar to hopefully catch a glimpse of his old precinct during their customary Friday night drinks. Instead he’d spotted Amy and Teddy tucked away in one of the booths together, Teddy was listening intently as Amy talked.

He didn’t stop to say hello to any of them, instead he turned around and made straight for the bar where he’d first met Leo Ianucci. There he found Leo and his bodyguard Marco, joining them for what turned into a marathon drinking session.

When he woke up the next afternoon, he wasn’t alone. Next to him in the bed was Angela Ianucci, Leo’s favourite sister.

Contrary to his expectations, Leo didn’t immediately kill him. An action that might have gotten him killed in the Godfather instead became the break that he needed. Playing on Angela’s affection for him to gain access to the inner circle of the Ianucci family pained him because she was a good person, but it made his FBI handlers ecstatic. Jake’s newfound access allowed him to bug places the FBI had never been able to reach. Leo started including him in more things, his importance in the organisation skyrocketed. All the while though, he was never allowed to forget the tightrope he walked, every close friend of Leo’s managed to get a joke in about what would happen to his body if things ever went south with Angela.

* * *

 

Five months into the operation and three months into his relationship with Angela, she revealed to him that she knew he was working for the FBI. Jake’s life flashed before his eyes, he kept waiting for Marco to appear and put a full clip into him. Instead Angela told him that she didn’t want to blow his cover, on the condition that he get her brother Leo a plea bargain. Leo had been raised by mobsters working for their father, he didn’t know any other way of life, was never given any other choice in life but to continue on his incarcerated father’s legacy.

Jake promised to take her offer to the US Attorney compiling the RICO case, only to learn that that Attorney felt she had enough evidence to make arrests, including that of Angela Ianucci, who was individually guilty of blackmailing Jake and thus had implicated herself into the larger RICO case. As Jake hung up on the US Attorney, he realised that the entire case against Angela depended upon his testimony against her.

It was too late for Leo, he was going down for a long time, but Jake could still protect Angela from the overzealous US Attorney. So as his old squad at the 99th joined the FBI in making the arrests of the entire Ianucci Crime Family, Jake and Angela jumped onto a plane to Vegas. The bride and groom didn’t speak for the entire trip there and back, Angela blamed Jake for her brother’s arrest even as she agreed to let him protect her from his testimony by marrying him.

Captain Holt and Sergeant Jeffords were waiting at the gate for them, on the drive back into town from Newark, Holt informed him that the FBI was housing a number of the small time members of the Ianucci family at the Precinct due to overcrowding at the FBI’s holding facility. Jake would be debriefed there before he was restored to his former rank and posting with the NYPD.

In the garage underneath the Precinct, Holt ordered Terry to take Angela up ahead of them. After the elevator closed on Terry and Angela, Holt turned on Jake. ‘The US Attorney is furious with you, she asked me to inform you that your failure to testify will see you brought up on charges, and will destroy your future with the NYPD.’

‘I’m going to testify, just not against Angela. Captain, she’s not involved in her brother’s criminal business, I can’t send her to prison after using her to take down her entire family.’ Jake insisted.

‘I sympathise with your situation, Peralta. But marrying her was not the answer to this problem. The US Attorney could have been talked into dropping any charges against Angela. We have far too many real criminals to prosecute to waste time on those who haven’t really broken the law.’

‘Okay that’s crap and you know it. I have a bunch of parking tickets to prove it.’

‘Regardless, marrying Angela Ianucci was not necessary. Now the Attorney’s going to go after her to punish you.’ Holt insisted, Jake ran a hand through his hair, aggravating his already terminal case of plane hair.

‘Maybe I wanted to marry her, Captain.’ Jake snapped back, Holt just stares at him like he’s a fucking idiot. The Captain shakes his head and walks away. Jake covers his face with his hands and groans in frustration, talk about FUBAR. When he looks up though, Jake realises that his problems are only just beginning.

‘You got married?’ Amy asks, her face an exquisite mix of disbelief and hurt. Jake’s reached his limit for today, he simply can’t take being chewed out by another person, especially not her.

‘Yeah, I did. How’s Teddy doing, by the way?’ he asks, hating himself for it.

Amy’s expression transforms in the blink of an eye to one of pure fury. ‘You’re an ass, Peralta. A certifiable ass.’

Jake watches as she jumps into the unmarked car she’d just gotten out of and zooms out of the garage, doing the legal limit the entire way.

His triumphant return to the precinct is neither triumphant, nor is it welcomed very much. Rosa’s face is a stony mask of disapproval, matching the ones worn by the Captain and the Sergeant. Jake turns to Boyle, who’s always had his back and has always been his number one fan. Boyle welcomes him back, but it’s half hearted. Jake knows that there won’t be any cake to celebrate, so he leaves the bullpen to find his FBI handler for the debriefing.

* * *

 

Things don’t improve when he officially returns to the NYPD, even though his sham marriage had already been annulled after the Ianucci family’s lawyer secured a deal for Angela when she agrees to act as a witness against Marco for a previously unsolved murder. Jake barely gets the chance to say goodbye to Angela before she disappears forever into WitSec.

Rosa acts professional towards him on the job, but in private calls him every name she can think of, which takes up a full night of drinking. After that their old friendship is restored, somewhat. Rosa still calls him an idiot on a regular basis, but she’s stopped calling him a fucking moron as well, so Jake chalks it up as a win.

Boyle is torn between his best friend Jake, and Amy, who he’s been partnering a lot in Jake’s absence. Jake gets the impression that Boyle’s keeping secrets from him. But he doesn’t really possess the will to pry into them, because Amy’s transferred to Major Crimes and it is no secret that Jake’s the reason.

Holt is Holt, but Jake knows that any respect he might have earned from his undercover assignment and the 23 arrests that resulted from his testimony has been lost in the face of his conduct with Angela. He’s also pretty sure Holt misses Amy too. Not that Holt would ever admit to feeling any hind of human emotion.


	3. Jake's Hospital Visit

Nothing’s the same with Amy gone. His new partner is another by the books do gooder, but in so many ways she’s not Amy. Amy might have worshipped at the altar of proper police procedure, but she still managed to crack a smile at Jake’s antics, occasionally she even played along, as evidenced by their bet.

Detective Rita McKinnon is about as emotive as the statue of liberty, not that Jake’s a bucket of laughs either. He can’t even find the motivation to play any pranks for Halloween. It scares Jake to realise how much he’d been performing lately simply to get a rise out of Amy, and not simply for the love of a good laugh.

Jake’s back to drinking in the corner again, only this time the others have no sympathy for his plight, since it’s all self-induced. Things don’t improve when Boyle cracks and reveals his secret, that Amy had broken up with Teddy at the two month mark of Jake’s assignment. After that, even the therapist he’s mandated to see after the extended stint undercover begins to find him frustrating.

* * *

 

It all changes on a Tuesday, for a long time afterwards that’s one of the weird little details Jake can’t forget. They’re all in the conference room for the daily briefing, Jake is sacked out next to Scully and Hitchcock as Boyle briefs the detective squad on the progress he’s made on a series of car thefts in the neighbourhood. Since it’s obvious that Boyle’s five minutes away from making the arrest, Jake doesn’t bother tuning into the salient details.

Gina appears in the doorway, informing Holt that he’s got a phone call. Less than a minute later Holt marches back into the room, he cuts off Boyle mid-sentence to inform them all that an officer has been shot and the suspect is still at large. He rattles off the description of the suspect, this time Jake does take care to listen. The suspect was last seen on Canal Street in Manhattan, with the intensity of the search it’s highly unlikely that the suspect could ever make it as far as Brooklyn, but until the suspect is in custody all precincts are expected to remain alert.

‘Do we know who was shot?’ Boyle asks from in front of his massively overcrowded carjacking map, Boyle’s always been a fan of the classic methods, it’s why his number of closes is so low but his completion rate so high.

‘They haven’t released a name, but Major Crimes has been operating an extensive sting operation in the area for several days now, I daresay it’s one of theirs.’

Jake is already on his feet by the time Holt’s finished speaking. He’s never exactly wished for the death and dismemberment of Major Crimes, but there’s definitely only one member of that squad that he cares about at that moment.

Jake is shameless in his use of lights and sirens as he forces his way into Manhattan. A quick call to an old academy friend in dispatch guides him to the right hospital, after Jake hangs up he realises that he ought to have asked his friend if he knew who the injured officer was. It’s a mistake he’ll grow to be grateful he made.

Inside the hospital it takes less than a minute of yelling and badge waving to find out that the detective was rushed straight into theatre. The very angry nurse behind the reception desk gives him directions. Jake makes a mental note to avoid her on his way out, because if looks could kill, not even being in a hospital could save him.

The elevator doesn’t open within three seconds of Jake pressing the button, so he moves past them and takes the stairs next to them. Three storeys up and he bursts out into a quiet hallway, the only occupant is an orderly pushing an empty wheelchair. It’s fortuitous as Jake’s mind has completely blanked on the nurse’s directions to the surgical unit.

Turns out the surgical unit is just to his left, there’s literally a massive sign above the double doors informing Jake that he’s there. He brushes that off, marching through the doors and into a waiting room where he finds Amy sitting with a pair of detectives from Major Crimes.

Jake hasn’t wanted the floor beneath his feet to give way and send him plunging into the depths of the earth since he got dumped by Jenny Gildenhorn at his own Bar Mitzvah, but the feeling is strong when Amy and Major Crimes spot him in the doorway. Amy’s mouth falls open in shock, the other detectives just look confused, which Jake bets isn’t a new sensation for them. Jake grins sheepishly.

‘Whoops, wrong turn.’ he turns straight around and beats a hasty exit, making straight for the stairwell.

‘Jake, wait up!’ Amy calls after him, marching down the hall in pursuit. Jake knows if he makes a run for it he could lose her, only because he would possess the element of surprise and his car is illegally parked right out front. Useful for a fast getaway, even if he will cop hell when Holt finds the parking tickets.

Instead he turns, his hands are shoved into his jacket and his shoulders are hunched against a non-existent wind. ‘Hey there, former partner.’

Amy crossed her arms, frowning at Jake. ‘What are you doing here?’

Jake hums as he tries to come up with an answer, ‘well obviously I heard about the shooting and I came to see how the patient was doing.’

‘Really? You came all the way here from Brooklyn to check up on a rookie you’ve never met?’ Amy asked, disbelieving.

‘Well we’re all part of one big team… okay fine, I didn’t know who got shot. But I heard it was Major Crimes, and even though we’re not partners anymore I thought I should you know, check to see if you were okay.’

‘Why didn’t you just call, like Boyle and Sergeant Jeffords did?’

Jake winced and scratched the back of his neck. His hair was getting a bit long, he really needed to get a haircut. ‘I guess I wanted to see for myself.’

‘Right,’ Amy chews her lip and stares at him for the longest time before she sighs and takes a step back. ‘Well I’m going to-’

‘I miss you.’ Jake blurts out, cutting her off midsentence. ‘Not just because you were the best partner I’ve ever had, better even than Rosa. I miss being friends with you. I know I’ve been an ass since the Ianucci investigation, and I’m sorry. I made a mess of a lot of things. But I hope we can be friends again.’

Then Jake turns and escapes into the stairwell before Amy can get a word out. Jake isn’t left to wonder about what Amy thinks of his apology for long, that Friday she shows up at their local during the 99th’s usual end of week drunk fest. Jake doesn’t quit smiling all night, even when Amy hustles him at pool.


	4. Jake the Boyfriend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so the previous bits were about it for the angst. Pain drugs make me write happy thoughts.

‘I’m her boyfriend.’

Three simple words, loaded with so much meaning, and completely false.

It all started two days before Christmas, when Jake got a call in the evening as he was dutifully avoiding his paperwork. It was Amy, asking him for a lift home from hospital. After reassuring him that she wasn’t seriously injured, Jake drove downtown to the Hospital. Amy met him at the doors, she refused to tell him exactly how she sprained her ankle. Jake resolved to bribe someone in Major Crimes for the story since it was obviously a good one.

If he’d thought getting her into his car was hard, getting her up to her third floor apartment with no working lift and Amy’s fierce determination to never admit to needing help was even worse. Half an hour later, Amy was settled on her couch with the offending limb raised. Jake had offered to get her settled on her bed, but when he’d made a joke about joining her in it she’d insisted on the couch.

On seeing the total lack of contents in her fridge, Jake ordered up a few days’ worth of Nepalese food. It was one of the few places Boyle had introduced them too that they’d both liked. Jake settled in to wait for the food to arrive, explaining to Amy that by the time she got to the door to pay, the food would be spoiled.

Amy didn’t say anything when he stuck around after the food arrived. There was a Die Hard marathon on, if Jake left he’d miss most of the first one and that would be sacrilege. Besides, they both knew he had even less food in his house.

After the third one ended, Jake decided he’d pushed his luck just about far enough. He tossed away the empty containers and rinsed off their plates, before taking a fresh glass of water out to Amy, for when she needed to take her painkillers again.

He was delaying, and they both knew it. Their new foray into friendship was going well these days, and Jake was endlessly happy about being able to text his random thoughts and jokes to her all day long. Even if he did miss being able to see her face when she got them. But their busy and very separate work lives meant that actual time spent in the same room was sorely limited.

Amy reaches out and tugs on his sleeve as he straightens up. ‘I’ve got a week off for Christmas to spend with my family in New Jersey, but now I can’t drive. I know you’re probably working Christmas, but is there any chance you have time to take me to the train station?’

‘Don’t you hate trains?’

‘Yes, but I can’t exactly drive out to New Jersey.’

‘Did you buy your ticket yet?’ Jake asks, Amy shakes her head in reply.

‘Good, because I actually have the morning off tomorrow, I can drive you the whole way, if you like?’

‘Oh, well that would be great. Thanks, Jake.’

‘You’re welcome. I’ll come by early to help you with any last minute packing, can’t wait to get familiar with your intimates.’ Jake laughs as the cushion collides with his chest.

* * *

Amy is already packed when he returns the next morning. They mutually agreed that it would be best for Jake to take the bags down. In the time it takes for Jake to make two trips with her bags, Amy has made it down half the steps. Jake sighs and pulls her up into a fireman’s carry for the rest of the stairs. Amy complains loudly, but when she smacks his ass and Jake makes a flirty and suggestive remark in reply, she falls silent.

Traffic makes the drive out interminably long, but that just gives Jake a chance to drive Amy nuts with his road trip games. They haven’t even reached the bridge into Jersey when Amy promises Jake that if he punches her arm again in the name of punch buggy, she’ll put him on the bottom of the river.

When Jake’s car pulls up outside of Amy’s parent’s house, her mother immediately rushes outside. Jake watches in amusement as the tiny woman harangues Amy in Spanish through the window of the car. Amy struggles to get more than two words in as her mother pulls the car door open and moans at the sight of her taped up ankle.

‘Oh, Niña you are never leaving this house again. My poor heart cannot take this aggravation anymore.’ She moans and lapses back into Spanish as Amy sighs and pulls her crutches out from the back seat. That was as far as she gets on her own, as Jake appears next to her and pulls her to her feet, holding her steady by her shoulders as she rights herself on the crutches.

‘You right?’ he asks, smiling.

‘Oh, I’ve been better.’ Amy mutters, glancing over at her mother, who is eyeing Jake with rabid curiosity.

‘Who is this boy? Introduce me to your friend, Amy.’ She demands, sizing Jake up.

‘This Detective Jake Peralta from the 99th, my old partner.’ Is what Amy wants to say, but Jake beats her to the punch.

‘I’m her boyfriend. Jake Peralta.’ He announces with a grin, offering his hand to Amy’s mother. ‘It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mrs Santiago.’

Amy stares at him as he shakes hands with her mother. ‘Amy, you didn’t tell me you were bringing a guest, where am I supposed to put him?’

‘Oh, I’m not staying. I’ve volunteered to work the Christmas shift. I’m just giving Amy a lift since she’s less than mobile right now.’ He grins at her, Amy shakes her head.

‘Jake-’

‘I’ll just get your bags out of the trunk. Then I’m going to have run to beat traffic, okay babe?’ Jake presses a lightning fast kiss to her cheek then positively flees out of reach of the crutches. Amy watches Jake transfer her bags to the porch of her childhood home as her mother urges her to be careful for the walk from the car to the house. Jake is done by the time Amy finishes her walk. He's grinning sheepishly, like he knows he should be ashamed of himself but isn't, really.

‘It’s such a shame we won’t get to know each other, I never get to meet any of Amy’s boyfriends.’ Her mother laments, Amy half expects Jake to make a crack about how that’s because Amy hardly ever has a boyfriend. ‘Are you working all of this week? Surely you must get a break too.’

‘I have two days off from the 27th.’

‘Excellent! You will come up here again and meet the rest of the family, all of Amy’s brothers are staying here until the 28th.’ Mrs Santiago insists, she pulls him forward and presses a kiss to both of his cheeks, before she gathers all of Amy’s bags up in one go and marches into the house. Amy realises that her mother is giving her a moment alone to say goodbye to Jake, a blush spreads up her neck, she really wants to kill Peralta.

Amy uses that moment to hit him in the shins with her crutches. ‘What the hell, Peralta?’

‘I’m sorry! It just… slipped out, sort of. I don’t know.’

‘You realise that my mother is going to spend all of Christmas demanding to know everything about our relationship? What am I supposed to say?’ Jake opens his mouth to reply and closes it again, rethinking his words.

‘On the bright side, this must mean she’ll lay off on you about the ankle and the job.’ Jake suggests, shrugging again. ‘And if you don’t want me to come up on the 27th, I’ll call you and cancel, make an excuse about work or something.’

‘Trust me, my mother can definitely grill me on two things at once. And yes, call and cancel in a couple of days okay? But not on Christmas, my mother doesn’t react well to bad news on Christmas.’

Jake looks slightly crestfallen at that, but he doesn’t argue. ‘Okay, well I should get going. Traffic’s going to suck without you to annoy.’

‘Thanks for the ride, Jake. Drive safe and text me when you get home, okay?’ Amy tells him, Jake nods and then surprises her by pulling her into a hug.

‘Your mother’s watching through the window.’ Jake explains into her ear, the whole experience is jarring for Amy, but years of acting against type during undercover stings kicks into gear and her arms fold around his waist. Feeling his arms around her, his body pressed up against hers and his mouth so close to her ear… she tells herself it’s only because she hasn’t been out on more than a dozen dates in the year and a half since she broke up with Teddy that’s causing her to have this intense reaction to him.

Jake pulls away, pressing a kiss to the side of her mouth in a way that must have looked real to her mother, but left Amy wanting more. Amy watches as he jogs to his car as it starts to snow, her thoughts are a bit of a mess, which is unusual for her because she’s usually very good at organising her mind.

When she steps inside Amy is immediately corralled into the kitchen as fast as she can manage on the crutches. Marisol Santiago doesn’t waste time in getting her only daughter seated. Coffee appears seemingly out of nowhere in front of Amy as Marisol seats herself across the table. Her childhood kitchen is feeling a lot like an interview room all of a sudden, only she’s not the cop here.

‘We’ve only got the house to ourselves for another hour, so talk.’ Marisol orders. Amy curses Jake in her mind, creating an elaborate cover story on the fly is his special talent, not hers.

‘We were partners at the 99th for a couple of years before I transferred to Major Crimes.’ Amy begins, deciding that it would be best to stick to the truth as much as she can, to lessen the risk that she trips herself up. ‘Right before I transferred he spent five months undercover, came back as a bit of an ass, so when I transferred we weren’t really speaking.’ Amy pauses to sip at her coffee, she doesn’t have a great deal of pleasant memories of her first months at Major Crimes, struggling to deal with the Vulture and not talking to Jake.

‘About a year ago a rookie with Major Crimes was shot during a big drug bust in Manhattan. As with all police shootings, the other Precincts are informed, but they didn’t say who had been shot, just that it was Major Crimes. So Jake freaked out, thinking it was me. He drove into the city to see me, anyway, when he found out he was wrong-’

‘If you’re about to tell me that you’ve been dating this boy for a year and haven’t told me I will never forgive you, Amy.’ Her mother interjects, her tone severe. Amy can literally see steam coming out of her mother’s ears.

‘No! No way, it hasn’t been that long. He just apologised at the hospital for being an ass, and asked if we could be friends again.’ Amy insisted, shaking her head vigorously. The phone rings, and Marisol leaves the room to answer it. Amy thinks back to the past year since they started talking again, trying to think of when she could say they started dating.

Amy thinks about how in the past few months, barely a day goes by when she doesn’t receive at least one text from Jake, most of them are invariably ridiculous, but they’re also funny. She almost always goes out for drinks with the 99th on Fridays, and as a result she and Jake spend a lot of Saturdays together, recovering from their respective hangovers together. She thinks about how she hasn’t actually dated anyone else in months, hasn’t really felt the urge to look either.

‘Oh, shit. I really am dating Peralta.’ Amy mutters, just before her mother walks back in, cursing telemarketers in Spanish. Marisol pulls her out of her reverie, demanding to know when she did in fact start dating the boy. Amy gives her Jake’s birthday in August, she’d spent the night playing laser tag with him against Rosa, Boyle, Gina and Terry. Afterwards the others had drifted off to their own Saturday night plans, and Amy had gone with Jake to get ice cream and then they walked back to her apartment. Jake had tried to con a birthday kiss out of her on the stoop of her building, she kinda laughed it off and disappeared inside. But Amy can’t deny that she was very tempted for a moment.

After that Amy makes noises about her ankle, so her mother helps her up to her childhood bedroom. There’s three children’s sleeping bags on the floor, warning her that she’ll be bunking with her nieces for the holidays. Usually she wouldn’t mind, but her ankle is going to make things difficult.

When she wakes up from her nap, the rest of her family has started to arrive, and Amy’s thoughts about Jake fall to the back of her mind as she marvels at how much all her nieces and nephews have grown since she saw them last. After dinner, the kids are put to bed early with threats that Santa doesn’t visit children who stay up late. Their parents thank Christmas for making that miracle possible.

That is of course when Marisol chooses to announce that Amy’s dating another detective and that Jake will be coming up in three days, her brothers all grill her. Her eldest brother Ricky does it just to tease, but Marco has a look in her eyes that tells her Marco’s cop buddies will be accessing Jake’s file in the next 24 hours.

Amy bites her lip, knowing Jake as she does, she can only imagine what his file might say.

As the evening draws to a close, the family moves into the den where a large portrait of her father takes pride of place. Marisol wistfully pets the edge of the frame before Ricky takes her hand. As one they bow their heads as her priest brother Javier leads them in a prayer in honour of their father. Amy can’t help thinking that she’s sorry her father never got to meet Jake, he’d have liked Jake’s sense of humour.

* * *

 

Jake sends her a photo of the drunk tank full of Santa’s on Christmas morning, he tells her that if he wasn’t already Jewish, he’d convert after having his shoes ruined by Santa puke. Amy laughs out loud, and in that moment she realises that she really wants him here.

When he calls the next morning she takes her phone out to a different room, she’d like to flip the bird to her brothers who are catcalling after her, but her nieces and nephews are in the room with them. ‘Hey, so how are holidays going? Has my big mouth made it really terrible?’ Jake asks.

‘As if I’d let you ruin my Christmas, Jake.’ Amy scoffs. ‘Mama was fine, sure the first half hour was worse than a Rosa Diaz interrogation, but after that she’s hardly mentioned it. I think she’s just itching to talk to the source.’

‘Well you don’t have to worry about that happening tomorrow. If you like though, I can still drive you back into town when the week’s up.’ Jake offers.

Amy grins to herself, since her realisation on Christmas Eve she’d expected to be freaked out by the thought that she was not only already dating Jake, but also kinda wanted it to continue. ‘Jake?’

‘Yeah?’

‘Come up tomorrow.’ Amy tells him, there’s silence from the other end of the line, which is understandable because Amy usually responds to his texts by calling him an idiot. ‘And Peralta?’

‘Huh?’ a dazed Jake replies, Amy grins.

‘When we get back, you should try asking me out on a real date.’


	5. Jake Sells The Car

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So one more to go, I'm still tinkering with it, but the plan is definitely still to get it up tomorrow.

Her first clue was the mysterious disappearance of the crap mobile. Amy asked Jake about it, and he blathered on about carburettors until Amy realised that she had to leave if she was going to make her train into the city. In fairness though, it was only a clue when put into context after the fact, so she let herself slide on missing that one.

Amy didn’t forgive herself for failing to realise that something might be up when she came home early to Jake and Kylie drinking coffee together and looking at pictures on Jake’s phone. Amy didn’t get a look at the phone, but when she asked what was going on, Jake lied about trying to set Kylie up with someone from the precinct.

After that, Jake’s movie choices take a sudden and disturbing turn. From a steady diet of heroic cop movies he starts putting on a selection of chick flicks that even make Amy cringe. It starts with the Wedding Singer, Amy sort of understands that one because Jake harbours a secret love for Adam Sandler. But then he chooses Love Actually and Sweet Home Alabama from Netflix. The next time she lets him pick, he skips straight past Gladiator and chooses Four Weddings and Funeral.

Amy almost jumps out of her skin when she looks over to find him watching her intently during the proposal scenes in each film. It’s the kind of single minded focus Jake usually saves for solving cases he’s made bets on. And sex. Later Amy will rationalise that she was far too busy worrying about Jake’s mental health to put the clues together.

* * *

 

The week before, Jake comes home late and flops onto the couch with a groan. After a moment he pulls himself along the couch and weasels his head onto her lap, she just raises her book to make room for him. ‘Tough case?’

‘Holt and I had to renegotiate my hours for the fortnight, they were crap.’ Jake replies, he reached into his pocket and pulls out a ball of paper that Amy assumes is his roster. As Amy works to unfold the tightly scrunched ball without destroying it, Jake rolls around onto his back so he can look up at her. His big head is a heavy weight on her thigh and Amy knows from experience that if he stays there long she’s going to get a dead leg, but she can’t bring herself to make him move.

When Amy finally gets the roster straightened out, her eyebrows shoot up into her hairline. ‘I can’t imagine what hours you had before that could have been worse than these.’ Amy remarks. ‘Five dawn shifts from Thursday and then a double next Wednesday?’

‘I know, I’m hardly gonna see you next week. It’ll be like before we lived together.’ Jake pouts, Amy rolls her eyes and runs a hand through his hair.

‘You’re the dumbass who agreed to these hours. Holt must have some dirt on you…’ Amy’s eyes narrow, she uses her grip on his hair to pull his face around so she can see his eyes. ‘What did you do?’

‘Nothing! I swear Holt’s just a really good negotiator.’ Jake insists, wincing at the tight grip she has on his hair. Amy can tell he’s not lying so she lets him go, leaning down to kiss him in apology. What was meant to be a quick moment of consolation drags on when Jake loops an arm around her neck, holding her down. The perpendicular angle is strange, but Jake makes it work for them both. As a result, she forgets all about the weird roster changes.

* * *

 

Jake is right, damn him. By the second of his five dawn shifts, Amy’s prepared to admit that she misses the way his foot doesn’t stop twitching when he’s dreaming. He comes home as she’s making her morning coffee, usually Jake spends the morning making innuendoes and suggesting reasons why they should call in sick and spend the day in bed. Instead he gives her a tired hug and falls straight into bed with little more than a grumbled complaint about Scully’s latest foot fungus.

Major Crimes has been busy lately, since the Vulture finally got his, the squad’s actually started working its own cases. The downside is that she doesn’t get back home until just before Jake leaves for his night shifts. In a sharp reversal to their mornings, he’s all hopped up on coffee and Amy’s crashing pretty hard.

By the end of his five day run of dawn shifts, Amy’s definitely looking forward to the run of three consecutive days that they both have off. All that stands between her and them is Jake’s double shift. When Jake’s alarm wakes her up before the sun has a chance to, she actually briefly curses Holt in her mind. But then she comes to her senses and curses Jake for agreeing to do such terrible shifts.

When she gets home at seven that night it’s to an empty apartment. Amy groans and slumps onto the couch, she doesn’t want to cook, and she’s definitely not in the mood for pizza or some other fried crap. What she really wants is for Jake to put on a bad movie that she can ignore as she falls asleep on his shoulder.

Almost like he could read her mind, Jake calls at that moment and Amy drops her phone in her haste to answer. ‘Jake, how’s the shift from hell going?’

‘Really great, actually. I solved three murders this afternoon. Okay, technically it was a triple murder with just the one collar, but isn’t that even better?’ Jake argues, Amy laughs, even though Jake sounds weird for a guy who just cracked a big case. He’s sort of breathless and nervy.

‘Nice work,’ Amy replies. She’s clearly been living with Jake too long, because everything she wants to say next is highly sexual. Instead she says nothing at all.

‘Have you eaten yet?’ Jake asks, breaking the weird silence.

‘Uh, no. I just got home myself.’

‘Oh, good.’ Jake replies, Amy cocks an eyebrow. ‘No, not good. I’m not saying I’m happy that you’ve been working all day.’ Jake lets out a shaky laugh. ‘Holt ordered Scully and Hitchcock to take the murder that just came in since I solved that triple murder today, so the squad room is going to be empty until the next shift comes in. Wanna come join me for dinner? Afterwards we can fool around in Holt’s office. I know you’ve fantasised about it, I certainly have.’

The offer is music to Amy’s ears, and she bites out a hasty yes. Jake says he’ll order them dinner and then hangs up abruptly. Amy doesn’t take the time to analyse Jake’s weird behaviour. Instead she goes to change her underwear, because if she’s going to fool around on Holt’s desk she wants to be wearing a matching set.

* * *

When Amy walks into the squad room, the lights are off. Instead the place is lit up by dozens of candles. For a brief moment Amy wonders at the intelligence of this many candles in a room full of paper files and secret booze stashes, rather than question why the candles are there at all. When she pushes through the gate, the opening music from the Lion King starts, and Amy has to fight the urge to reach for her gun.

She’s glad she didn’t pull her gun when Jake slides in on his knees. He gives her a weak smile and opens the jewellery box in his hands. ‘Amy Santiago, would you do me the honour of ignoring your better judgement and agreeing to marry me?’

The diamond catches the light of the candles as Amy’s jaw falls open. Jake looks terrified as she stares at him.

‘Okay so I forgot my knee pads and this floor is killing me, I’m totally not pressuring you for an answer… but can you please say something?’

‘Jake… how the hell did you afford that?’ Amy asks, staring at the ring. In the future she’ll wince when she remembers her response to his proposal, but at the time it seemed a valid question.

‘I sold my car to an antique car collector.’ Jake replies with a shrug.

‘You did what? But you love that car!’

‘Yeah, well maybe I love someone else more. Even if that someone else is really bad at answering important fucking questions!’

‘Oh, Jake…’ Amy pulls him to his feet. ‘I’m going to say yes, even though this was a terrible proposal.’

Jake laughs and kisses her, his hands threading into her hair, Amy can feel the velvet box on the back of her neck. After a minute Jake breaks away and Amy reaches for the box. Jake pulls the ring out and Amy feels a few tears leak out as he pushes the ring onto her finger. Amy rests her forehead against his as she looks down at her new ring.

‘What did you mean when you said this was a terrible proposal?’

‘Huh? Oh, who cares? We just got engaged!’

‘Well I care, I put a lot of thought into this.’ Jake gestures towards the squad room with one sweeping arm movement.

‘Really, Jake?’

‘Yeah, it took a lot of time to rework the rosters so I could make a time for us to have the squad room to ourselves.’

‘Wouldn’t it just have been easier to book a table at a restaurant? And smelled nicer too…’

‘But this is the first place we met! I fell for you here, in this linoleum encrusted crap hole.’ Jake explains.

‘And the Lion King music?’ Amy asks as the song resets and starts again. ‘Well I figured a proposal is pretty epic, so it needed epic music, and this seemed a much better choice than Boyle’s Lord of the Rings soundtrack.’ Jake steps away and slaps the pause button on the iPod dock, blushing.

Amy smiles as she stares at him. He’s a massive dork and she can just imagine the headache he’s going to give her when it comes down to planning the wedding. But he’s her massive dork, and now it’s going to be official. Amy shakes her head and reaches for Jake’s tie. ‘I remember someone promising me sex on Holt’s desk.’ She remarks, Jake grins and grabs her hand, pulling her back towards the Captain’s office. She doesn’t ask how he got the key, she’s got all the time in the world to ask those questions, but just this one chance to wear Holt’s hat and sit at his desk while Jake goes down on her.


	6. Amy's Big News

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone else find that trying to write Gina is like getting blood from a stone? I can't get her voice down, so I did her character a favour and kinda left her out.

Despite knowing Jake for years, and being married to him for two of them, Amy has somehow failed to have one or two somewhat important conversations with the man-child. She’s still in the dark about how a man with a credit score as terrible as his (they had to leave his name off the loan application) managed to acquire nine credit cards.

Nor could Amy definitively speak to her husband’s feelings towards the having of children, though she could make a fair guess since still he was one at heart. She didn’t really know what his life plan was, nor if he even had any future plans at all. That is, beyond the dream of one day buying back the crap mobile.

So when Amy arrives at the 99th’s Friday drinking session with big news, she watches Jake playing darts with Gina as she hangs up her coat. Her excitement tempered by nerves, she wished she had some idea of how Jake was going to take the news. Even the slightest clue would make it easier for her to go over there and tell him.

Jake tosses his last dart and cheers, he turns with his arms still raised and spots Amy loitering by the door. Jake grins and hurries over, pulling her into a hug. ‘I just won 20 bucks off Gina! Don’t have to put drinks on the card tonight.’ he tells her excitedly, Jake kisses and hurries back over to collect his winnings.

Amy smiles and approaches the bar, just as she’s about to order Holt appears next to her. ‘Detective Santiago, can I have a word?’ he asks, Amy scans his face for clues as to what he’s feeling but gets nothing. Jake swears he can read the Captain like a book, but then he’s worked with Holt a lot more than she has.

‘Yes, Captain.’ Amy orders a coke from the bartender and joins Holt in a booth.

‘I just got off the phone with the Captain down at Major Crimes, congratulations.’ Holt announces, Amy half smiles, her eyes darting around the room to locate Jake. Luckily he’s still over at the dart boards, arguing with Gina. The last thing Amy wants is for Jake to hear her news from a third party. She has absolutely every intention of telling him herself, she just hasn’t figured out how.

‘Thankyou, Captain.’ Amy says, turning her attention back to Holt, who’s staring back at her impassively.

‘You haven’t told Peralta yet, have you?’

‘Uh, no. I didn’t think it was a possibility until a week ago, and even then it seemed so remote I thought best to get it confirmed first.’

‘Then you’d best tell him soon.’ Holt warns her.

‘I’m working on it, sir.’ Amy assures him.

‘Amy!’ A very drunk Terry falls into the boot next to her, nearly crushing her. ‘Holt told me the news! Congratulations, how’d Peralta take it? I’m just sorry I’m going to miss seeing it for myself, my new Public Relations job is meant to be really busy.’ Terry slurs, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. Amy glances over at Holt, again his face is a mask to her.

‘I might have told Jeffords.’ Holt admits slowly. Rosa appears next to the table wearing her version of a smile. ‘And Diaz, I told Diaz.’

‘Okay, I haven’t told Jake yet, so neither of you can say anything to him, okay?’ Amy orders Rosa and Terry, who look surprised but nod anyway.

‘You better move fast, Santiago.’ Rosa says suddenly. ‘I think Terry here let it slip to Boyle. Dude, you need to get a drunk filter.’

‘Shit, Boyle?’ Amy looks over at Jake’s diminutive best friend, who’s grinning at her maniacally, all but confirming her worst nightmares. Amy gets up, but her path out of the booth is blocked by the very drunk Terry. Amy watches in horror as Boyle makes a beeline for the dartboards and throws his arms around Jake. For a brief moment Amy’s kinda relieved that she doesn’t have to break the news to Jake herself.

Jake peels Boyle off eventually, Amy watches as Jake asks Boyle to explain himself. His jaw falls open and his eyes find hers across the bar. Amy sighs as Jake makes a beeline for her across the bar. Amy climbs over Terry to get out of the booth, stumbling as her feet find the ground, but Jake’s right behind her.

Amy turns in his arms, her face slightly red. ‘Is it true?’ Jake asks, Amy nods and waits for his reaction.

Jake’s face splits into a massive grin and he turns to the rest of the bar. ‘Drinks on me! Amy Santiago is officially returning to the 99th, my wife’s going to be my boss at work as well as home!’ he shouts at the top of his lungs. Amy is reasonably sure the bar is cheering the free drinks, but Jake’s still pretty pleased.

‘So, what can I get my new Sergeant?’ Jake asks her, Amy shakes her head.

‘I already got a drink.’ She says glancing over at the booth holding Holt and Terry. When she turns back around Jake pulls her in for a quick kiss.

‘This awesome, I’m sleeping with my boss. Or one of them, anyway.’ Jake says, grinning as he winks at Holt.

 

* * *

 

Later that night as she switches off her bedside lamp she remarks, ‘You’re very happy about this.’

‘You know that I’ve missed working with you for years.’ Jake replies simply, pulling her close. ‘Although I often wonder if we’d ever have been able to make this work if we’d been dating and working together.’ Jake admits.

‘Yeah, I thought the same thing. It’s part of the reason why I was so slow telling you.’

‘Babe, Boyle told me.’ Jake says with a laugh. ‘What was your other reason for not wanting to tell me?’

‘Well it seems stupid now, but I did wonder how you’d feel about me being your boss.’ Amy admits.

‘We’re married, isn't that the same thing?’ Jake jokes, Amy pinches his side and he whimpers in pain. ‘I’ve thought something was up with you all week, I kinda thought you might have been pregnant.’

Amy freezes in the dark as a thousand things go through her mind, her cycle, their lack of contraceptive cautions of late…

‘Oh crap!’


End file.
